Maybe Baby

I saw the movie “Maybe Baby” yesterday – I had no idea what it was about I must admit. Somebody had the DVD lying about and I watched it. It’s a comedy about a couple trying to conceive. It was actually really funny and for anyone not going through this the main characters must appear completely hysteric and obsessed. For anyone trying it must look like a mirror of their reality, only a bit more light hearted and witty. Watch it if you haven’t yet and try to laugh about it if you can. It’s just the same for all of us. I loved the ending.

I had another acupuncture session. I think I stick with it for a while because it makes me feel good. If that’s all it does it’s worth it. My acupuncturist is lovely and she took a long time yesterday to talk with me about my medical history. My goal is to use the time now to build up my lining. She thinks that two d&c within 6 months did probably thin the lining too much and it’s now hard for me to rebuild it. It will come back but it will take time. Acupuncture will support this, also massage, hot water bottle, the right diet and everything else that may increase blood flow to the uterus .  She is, by the way, not against medical intervention/support but works with it. I am saying that just because often when I talk with people about acupuncture they think alternative medicines and western medicine are mutually exclusive.  If anything I am more sceptical of western medicine than she is.

I wish I had known what a d&c can do to my lining and in consequence to my ability to conceive again. I was always advised to do it while I now think that if you miscarry as early as I did (7.5 weeks both times) it is better to let it clear out naturally. At the time I just wanted to move on and try again as soon as possible and it seemed like the logical thing to do. So please, if you are in the sad position to have to make that decision, don’t go for it unless your doctor thinks you are too far along for a nature to take care of it. Also, if you opt against d&c make sure that your doctor checks that nothing was left that can cause an infection. They can always do a d&c if that is the case but most likely you won’t need it.

She showed me how to massage my tummy, yoga positions to open up the pelvis and asked me to eat warm foods (stews and soups with beans and lentils, green leaved veg) and to include protein in all my meals. My diet is quite healthy anyway and I am off caffeine for a while now, hardly ever drink alcohol. So I think her advise won’t be hard to implement. For exercise I will continue to run once a day, just fast enough to get my heart rate up but not exhausting, and yoga.

attitude

I realise that I worry too much. I always seem to want to prepare myself for the worst and paint scenarios of failure. What I need are positive thoughts and confidence that in the end all will be well.

It has to do, I guess, with me being born the most impatient person in the world. Once I make up my mind I can’t wait for things to come my way. They have to happen now. It might be healthier to look at my two past miscarriages from a viewpoint of encouragement rather than labelling them as a failure. After all I am 40 now and I still managed to conceive twice on the first try. That is quite a good sign that my body is still healthy. I will conceive again and maybe have to endure another miscarriage but in the end I will have a baby. It is worth doing it again with that in mind. I just need to be patient and wait my turn.

In the meantime I have put myself on mini aspirin in the hope it will help with building up a thicker uterus lining and keeping the blood supply healthy when the embryo implants. That is  if I conceive this month. I am due for a scan today at the clinic. It is only day nine but since I have missed my ovulation date last month we decided it is better to have three scans and get the date right than to miss it again.

For further reading on mini aspirin http://www.conceivingconcepts.com/learning/articles/aspirin.html

waiting for another try

I had planned to do another DI cycle this month but apparently missed the day I was ovulating! The scan was scheduled for day 11 which usually is plenty early. I never had an LH surge before day 12 which means I don’t ovulate before day 13. Well, this month I apparently ovulated on day 10. Even more confusing is that the test for the LH surge was at best ambiguous on day 10 (who can really tell if both lines are equally bright?) and clearly positive on day 11, the day after ovulation. Thinking back now, since I had a very light period that only lasted 2 days it all makes sense. Usually my period is 5 days long, 3 days longer than this one. Maybe it is normal that in this case I also ovulate 3 days earlier? I try not to beat myself over the head for not scheduling the scan any earlier and for coming back early from my holidays to attend an appointment that was completely pointless. 

On the interesting side: On the scan that should show your leading follicle one can see the remains of the follicle after ovulation, a star fish type of shape. The nurse said that if I had very recently ovulated then she would be able to see some fluid around the remains, like an egg that has been cracked open. If she had seen the liquid they would still have done the insemination.  She also counted the follicles and I had 10 on the right and 8 on the left side. That’s quite a bit more than when they counted the number of follicles last time. I hope that is a sign that my body is still working well. The uterus lining was a bit on the thin side. I wonder if this has to do with the d&c?

On the bright side: I am ovulating again and my body is back to normal.

On the honest side: It is really hard to have to wait another month.