planting a tree

How do you get over losing the baby you were hoping to have for such a long time? It’s devastating. Maybe because there is nothing you can do. Your body does and you watch. It makes me feel like I can’t do the most basic thing in life: having children. Nothing anyone says seems to make a difference. All of a sudden you hear all these stories of women with miscarriages. Stories you never heard before because nobody likes to speak about it. If I had know all this before (including the fact that 1 in 4 pregnancy end in miscarriage) I could have prepared myself better for the loss. Why is it such a stigma? And why all this fear of not telling anyone you are pregnant until you are 12 weeks? All you do is to deprive yourself of the shared joy about your pregnancy and the shared grief when something goes wrong. Believe me, even if I find it hard to be consoled at the moment by hearing about other women’s miscarriages, at least I don’t feel I am alone in this misery. I can’t thank my friends and my sister enough for their support which I really, really need now.

I planted a tree in memory of the baby. It’s a paper bark maple, a small tree with beautiful red leaves in October.