back to normal?

Never thought I’d be so happy to have my period, just 4 weeks after my miscarriage. I am glad that my body is getting back to normal so quickly.  At the same time I still cry over the loss of my baby. Emotionally I haven’t caught up with the speedy recovery of my body.

I haven’t gotten used to the idea either that I will never have that perfect family and that from now on I will have to go through everything on my own. There won’t be anyone to come along to the scans,  nobody to want to feel the baby kick, nobody to help me through the delivery. I am frightened of being alone for the rest of my life.  I need affection and attention, too. But will I be alone? I will have a child. That’s not alone at all.

And there is the Donor Conception Network, a UK organisation with local groups of parents and their donor conceived children. http://www.dcnetwork.org/ That’s not being alone! I had no idea how many children have been conceived that way and I am glad to hear that they don’t turn out emotionally distressed over it either. The recommendation is to tell them early on so it never becomes a problem.

I started charting my temperature again like I used to when I tried to have a child with R. I find it enormously reassuring to see my body functioning like a clock work. It gives me confidence that I will conceive again. Tomorrow, on day two, I am off to get my first hormone blood test done and again on day 25. Then my GP can refer me to the clinic. Maybe by Christmas I can have my first go?