a step in the right direction?

I went to see my GP today. I had it all planned out in my head, every word I would say.  A very rational decision: miscarriage past me, no man in my life any more, little time left (with my 40th birthday coming up), could I please have a donor child?

When I sat in the chair facing the GP I burst into tears.  Suddenly it became obvious that I would not have a family with a loving husband, that I was very far away of being over losing my baby and that I really was darn alone. I was not brave anymore. She let me cry for a while and then patiently listened to me. And she was very, very supportive. I am sure she has seen it all before but I was so relieved that she wasn’t judgemental. She just accepted this as my decision and will refer me to the Oxford Fertility Unit. It will not be under NHS because I am not in a relationship and have no fertility problems! Now that’s funny. If my husband had bad sperm the NHS would fund the treatment, if I had problems conceiving the NHS would fund an IVF cycle.  Not having a man in my life is obviously my own problem. I am not really worried about the costs but for anyone on a low income this would be a problem as all the treatments are really expensive. Is it fair that I have the privilege to try for a baby this way while other women might not because they don’t earn enough money?

We will have to do a few tests first, starting with measuring my hormone levels as soon as my period starts again. And getting tested for HIV and hepatitis. Oh well, a clean bill of health won’t hurt. I only hope my period will start soon.