A miracle!

I had my scan today and despite all my fears I saw a little embryo of 7.8mm with a perfectly round yolk sack and a heart beat! No hematoma either anywhere. I expected the worst but maybe I should stop even listening to my body because all is different this time. No symptoms but a good looking 6 week 4 day embryo. Yeah!

I called my GP today to get a prescription for heparin and got a follow up scan on April 7th. By then I will be 8 1/2 weeks. Never made it that far before. It blows my mind that there is a chance that all is well this time.

miscarriage again

I knew that I had miscarried. I called the fertility unit on Monday to ask them to move my scan forward and see me the same day. The nurse who spoke to me said that they wouldn’t see me earlier, they don’t like to scan women who are bleeding because it could be ok one minute and change half an hour later (essentially making the scan a waste of time!). She gave me the advice to do a pregnancy test on Thursday morning and call them in case it was negative.  I don’t have much expectations any more to get any compassion or empathy from NHS staff but had thought that the Oxford Fertility Unit, who I pay out of my own pocket for their treatments, would be a bit more interested in their patients. I felt let down, still do.

Then I called Beards Mill Clinic which is a private clinic for pregnancy scans. The doctor was so wonderful. Finally somebody who took her time to do a scan, explained what she saw, listened to me and genuinely offered me her sympathy when it was obvious that I had miscarried again. That’s all I wanted. Someone to properly check and then tell me what it is. The embryo was only 2.7mm long and there was no heart beat. Since I was so sure of the conception date there was no chance that I had miscalculated the date and was only 5.5 weeks pregnant. My baby should have been about 10mm with a strong heart beat.  I am devastated and really, really worried that this will happen again.  What if there is something wrong with me and I will never carry a baby to term? 

Beards Mill Clinic referred me to the JR for another scan on Monday and a d&c the same day.  I am glad I have a few days to come to terms with this before they do the d&C. I am not ready to let go of my baby.

my biggest fear

I am bleeding again. 6 weeks 6 days, just like last time. It started yesterday morning around 9 am when I had breakfast. No pain and no cramps. I just felt that I was bleeding and ran up the stairs to the bathroom to see if I was just imagining it. No, red blood and lots of it.  It’s so hard to go through this alone. I just want somebody to listen to my worries and tell me it’s going to be allright. My neighbor urged me to go to the hospital but I still had the response from the fertility unit in my head when I last called them. “There is nothing we can do”. 

The bleeding eased off during the day and during the night there was only brown blood, but also blood clots. They say that one should look out for tissue in the blood as this can be the embryo or the placenta. How does tissue look like, particularly when it is covered in blood? What I had was more like thick mucus, almost jelly like. By this morning I was so worried that I got myself to the John Radcliffe hospital. I knew where the gynaecology unit was because it is in the same building as the fertility clinic.  I just went there and they did what they could which was not much. The doctor said that she would do an internal exam to check if the cervix was closed (which it was) and test my tummy for tenderness in case I had an ectopic pregnancy (which I didn’t). What I really needed, she said, was an ultrasound scan but they didn’t have access to the instrument at weekends. Can you imagine? There is a hospital with a great reputation that doesn’t use equipment they have even though they may need it to diagnose patients in an emergency??????? Worse, the earliest appointment she could offer to me was Wednesday. This is like the third world. I mean, I am not asking for a routine scan. It’s an emergency. I had a miscarriage before that started exactly in the same manner.  I wonder if they really couldn’t do it or if they just couldn’t be bothered. Surely in the women’s clinic there must be a functioning ultrasound on weekends.  Or do emergencies always wait til Monday?

I also asked for an injection to prevent me making antibodies in case the baby is rhesus positive. That was standard care in Switzerland when I started bleeding there and went to the emergeny unit. It was also standard care in Germany when I was bleeding and they kept me in hospital. In England it is not standard care unless I have a D&C. Then they will give me an injection.  Are they hysteric in other countries or are we just generally less concerned for the patients health in England?