Maybe Baby

I saw the movie “Maybe Baby” yesterday – I had no idea what it was about I must admit. Somebody had the DVD lying about and I watched it. It’s a comedy about a couple trying to conceive. It was actually really funny and for anyone not going through this the main characters must appear completely hysteric and obsessed. For anyone trying it must look like a mirror of their reality, only a bit more light hearted and witty. Watch it if you haven’t yet and try to laugh about it if you can. It’s just the same for all of us. I loved the ending.

I had another acupuncture session. I think I stick with it for a while because it makes me feel good. If that’s all it does it’s worth it. My acupuncturist is lovely and she took a long time yesterday to talk with me about my medical history. My goal is to use the time now to build up my lining. She thinks that two d&c within 6 months did probably thin the lining too much and it’s now hard for me to rebuild it. It will come back but it will take time. Acupuncture will support this, also massage, hot water bottle, the right diet and everything else that may increase blood flow to the uterus .  She is, by the way, not against medical intervention/support but works with it. I am saying that just because often when I talk with people about acupuncture they think alternative medicines and western medicine are mutually exclusive.  If anything I am more sceptical of western medicine than she is.

I wish I had known what a d&c can do to my lining and in consequence to my ability to conceive again. I was always advised to do it while I now think that if you miscarry as early as I did (7.5 weeks both times) it is better to let it clear out naturally. At the time I just wanted to move on and try again as soon as possible and it seemed like the logical thing to do. So please, if you are in the sad position to have to make that decision, don’t go for it unless your doctor thinks you are too far along for a nature to take care of it. Also, if you opt against d&c make sure that your doctor checks that nothing was left that can cause an infection. They can always do a d&c if that is the case but most likely you won’t need it.

She showed me how to massage my tummy, yoga positions to open up the pelvis and asked me to eat warm foods (stews and soups with beans and lentils, green leaved veg) and to include protein in all my meals. My diet is quite healthy anyway and I am off caffeine for a while now, hardly ever drink alcohol. So I think her advise won’t be hard to implement. For exercise I will continue to run once a day, just fast enough to get my heart rate up but not exhausting, and yoga.

when will things return to normal?

The last time I miscarried I had my period 31 days after the D&C but I wonder if it will be the same this time. I checked my temperature and for a week the temperature was still at 36.7 and then dropped to 36.4. No  changes since then. I guess, that also means I didn’t ovulate as the temperature would go up to 36.7 again.  But: if I didn’t ovulate I won’t have a period, right? And without period no trying for a baby again.

Apparently one does not necessary ovulate in the first cycle after a D&C. Some reassuring words on www.pregnancyloss.info/waitingforaf.htm.

back to square one

On Monday I went back to the JR for a scan. Although I knew for a fact that I had miscarried I still managed somehow to find hope for this situation, thinking of scenarios where my baby naturally only would have been so small and that this scan would show it had grown properly and had a heart beat.  Of course that was all wishful thinking. The embryo was still only 3mm without heart beat. The embryonic sac was still quite large though. Obviously my body hadn’t noticed that the embryo was dead.  The doctor who explained the results to me must have been only 22! He looked quite forlorn in his chair, with a really bad posture and a very insecure look on his face. I almost felt like I had to explain the situation to him. He couldn’t offer any information I didn’t already have. I wonder why they don’t let the nurse give you the final results. At least she has seen the scan and probably has seen thousands of them before. I could imagine that she has a much better grip on what’s normal and what’s not.

He referred me to the day surgery unit for a d&c. I must say all the nurses where absolutely lovely and very caring. The d&c is a very short procedure done under full anesthesia where they basically scrape out what is left of the embryo and the placenta. Before you even know you are asleep you wake up and all is done. They kept me on the ward for about 2 hours afterwards and then send me home. One of the nurses suggested that I asked my GP to be referred to the “recurring miscarriage clinic” at the JR run by Tim Childs (who is also a doctor at the fertility unit ). Normally they would wait until I had 3 miscarriages but she said if I asked for it they would start investigating now. Excellent tip. I am so glad she told me.

I am back to square one now with no end in sight. All I can do is to hope that next time I get pregnant again as easily and that the baby will be ok. Where I will get the confidence from that it will be ok I don’t know.